I struggled in my late teens and early twenties to reconcile my lesbian sexuality and relationships with my other identity factors including my Christian identity.
I surrounded myself with people who would celebrate my lesbian sexuality and tried to tell myself that it was bold and great and that it was who I was.
Nonetheless, for whatever reason I found no peace with this part of my identity. I felt like it arose from my having been sexually abused as a youngster. I felt in my core like I was broken and that I would feel like a victim as long as I celebrated being lesbian. I was free sexually but trapped identifying as a victim.
In my mid twenties I sought help from my parents who knew a ministry that could help me. Nobody forced me. My family had accepted who I was. I hadn’t.
This ministry helped me to unravel the layers of hurt and examine how my abuse as a youngster had affected my identity as a person and as a female. Like all therapies it was challenging but I was there because I wanted and needed to be.
My sexuality did not change overnight and actually other changes happened first. Sexuality was really a by-product of deep healing at my core. It wasn’t until about 6 years later that I felt like I was almost entirely heterosexual in my desires.
I am now very happily married and have two wonderful sons. More importantly I feel as if all of me is flowing in one direction and I no longer feel inner turmoil. I have a life I certainly would not have had if I had not sought the help I did.