“Those that are not comfortable with this should be free to get the help they need for themselves – as I was!”
From when I can remember I felt like I never belonged! either with my family, at school, I actually thought I was adopted. The family scene was quite emotionally abusive, My parents were always fighting and I always thought it was my fault! I was constantly in trouble, so at times it was quite physically abusive! I grew up with very poor self image, it didn’t matter what I did I had this “Hatred of self”, and anger.
My sexuality became an issue at the age of 19 when I dared to actually admit I was a sexual being! and I started to discover myself! I had moved from Taupo N.Z. to Sydney to find work when I was 17 in 1974, I was free to discover whatever, after being told I was gay, as I was quite effeminate, I could hide it at work as I was a chef, I could just work and not socialise too much, the more I worked the better I felt about myself, so I became a workaholic!
I had so much hate in me, I was in a self destruct mode, to the point that I was diagnosed with malnutrition, pumped full of vitamins and anti depressants, at 22 years of age I tried to commit suicide as the thought of going on was to depressing, I was in and out of homosexual relationships, I still felt bad about myself, I still hated myself, I was told I was born gay! so I felt I have no where to go! No options!
I ended up going to a doctor who referred me to a counselor, The counselor said I needed to accept the fact I’m gay, and he would help me! I felt very uncomfortable with this, it was like I wanted to accept this BUT my heart wouldn’t accept it.
I found Jesus as a last result, as the suicide didn’t work! I was mentored on the word of God, and as I felt this was the truth that I was looking for in my life I became a “born again believer”, My heart actually skipped a beat thinking I could become Born Again! so I embraced this concept with all my heart, and when I felt I had a handle on my life, talked to a pastor in the church in Sydney, I was shunned when they found out I was struggling with Homosexuality. Didn’t they understand the full meaning of being born again?
I had issues that wouldn’t get prayed away no matter how hard I tried, A pastor in the church was starting a group called Exit ministries, I got involved with this, after a while sensing this is part of the answer I asked the Pastor if I could go to USA, to participate in a training Living Waters were having, as I was absolutely sure this was the answer for me.
I went to the 7 day training, which absolutely turned my world upside down, to cut a long story short I came back to Sydney and started Living Waters in Australia, working with leaders in N.Z.
I was able to head up a national ministry which dealt with “Relational wholeness” within the church. We were flooded with people struggling with all sorts of issues, Marriage, sexuality, a lot of youth struggling with SSA. My main focus was helping youth, to prevent youth suicide, as they were coming into the church as a last result! and needed help!
No counselling is easy, BUT every bitter thing is sweet to a hungry soul! When you are desperate for the truth in your life as I was, you embrace whatever to make it happen!
I stepped down from the ministry as I felt God was wanting me to concentrate on my family, I was married with a son just born! for me this was more important than the ministry.
My marriage lasted 21 years, my wife died of cervicle cancer in 2009, my son was 12 years old.
I’ve since re married 8 years to Toni, semi retired, my son is 23 years old, life couldn’t be happier! None of this could have happened without The counselling I received, the programs like Living Waters, and Jesus in my life!
We as Christians need to be able to get this help! we are NOT born gay! Those that are not comfortable with this should be free to get the help they need for them selves as I was!